Thursday, January 13, 2011
Blog Banter 24: Multiple Personality Disorder
The first time I wrote this, I was pretty matter of fact about how I was the same person in and out of EVE, and that like me most people are also.
I was a different person then. Probably unlike most capsuleers, I undergo regular sleep deprivation, which, if I may be so bold, drastically changes who you are when you are tired.
As a capsuleer, I find myself bold, daring, taking risks that any regular person would see as completely unreasonable at best. I attack others without provocation, steal, lie, and team up with others of the same caliber to engage in higher profile actions of that sort. I'm outspoken, a man of action, unrepentant when I break rules and doing anything to succeed.
As a regular human on earth, I am only this way when either extremely tired or exceedingly well rested. The first case happens occasionally, maybe one weekend a month, the latter happens rarely enough that I can count months between the instances. By and large, I am exhausted, but not so exhausted as to be my capsuleer self on Earth.
As a regular human, I'm rather introverted. Not shy, just uncaring. I don't have the mental resolve to deal with people. I go about my day, do my business, and keep to myself because that is what keeps me from being angry, and when it succeeds I can even be quite happy at points. It's because I'm so tired that I am angry and want nothing more than to be left alone.
That said, even when I am this normal (to me) amount of tired, I change when I hit EVE. I go back to the capsuleer I described above. I think a psychiatrist would label this as near Multiple Personality Disorder.
The problem is that in case, it isn't a disorder: it's a coping strategy. It enables me to cope with the harsh realities of EVE and Earth at the same time, vent, rage, fulfill desires I could never fulfill on Earth and not be hunted down and despised by everyone.
So how has EVE affected my life? For the better really. Without EVE, I'm sure I would have found another way to vent and everything else, but EVE is fun where perhaps some other things would be less so. When I'm not feeling up to Earth-life, I can escape to EVE, and when I'm not feeling up to EVE-life, I can escape to Earth. Perhaps it's a bit sad constantly escaping from one world into the next, but it works for me, keeps me sane, and provides me much enjoyment. I wouldn't say EVE has majorly affected my behavior however. I still take the same risks in real life as I always did, and do the same things.
It's a clear cut case of being a functional fruit-loop.